Saturday, March 15, 2014

Art of being me

Every morning I tell myself that toDAY is the day I will make my own toothpaste. All the ingredients (even essential oil for flavor) have been purchased. Every night I sneak a little of my husband's toothpaste while telling myself that toMORROW will be the day I make my own toothpaste.

I'm currently cleaning my face with (castor and olive) oil. It's going better than the last time I tried the oil cleansing method.


Val and Elaine have been clamoring for an easier way to clambor up the tree in our backyard. Today I studied an article found on the Art Of Manliness website and made a rope ladder. 

I've got mad manly skillz. 


My piano teacher (I have a piano teacher!) made me (well, I agreed to) sight read at the first lesson. It was awful and wonderful. I think I will like her as a teacher. She's brisk and business-like, patiently waiting for me to finish my long-winded explanation and getting right back to her point. I asked how much she'd like me to practice each day and she replied, "ideally as much as possible." I've aimed for 30 minutes a day and have achieved that so far. I'm so glad I have a reason to play. I love it. I hope I turn out to be good at it, too.

I'm particularly excited to return to consistant piano playing after a few years of recovery work. I'm chipping away at the perfectionism and performance-based system of acceptance and approval I used to not-so-gently impose on myself. Additionally, in the past I've held the belief that if I enjoy something, then it must not be the right thing. Treats for myself are extravagant! I certainly must not engage in things that bring me joy and peace on a regular basis! Only if/when I've earned it. Or deserve it. Then I can be nice to me. Anyhow, I look forward to approaching piano-playing with a carefree joy and acceptance of myself. I want to push myself and explore my limits instead of hold back, afraid that limitations may mean that I'm not good enough. I want to revel in playing simply because I like to, and it makes me happy. 

After telling my husband that I would be eternally grateful and pleased with ANY real piano in our house... I'm finding out that may not be quite true. The one we have is certainly adequate, though old. There are a few times when I'm playing loudly that SOMEthing buzzes (with varying degrees of intensity and consistency) and it's beginning to drive me to distraction. I can't pinpoint it and it doesn't do it ALL the time, just often enough to notice. Also, the action can be sluggish. I've been spoiled by my parents' and grandparents' grand pianos. Perhaps when it's time for this piano to go, a quality keyboard would be better use of our space. 


I registered Elaine for kindergarten on Wednesday. It's lovely to see how I've changed since the day I registered Val for kindergarten, in a swirling cloud of fear and unrelenting anxiety. A few days ago I finally got around to organizing some of the things in our bathroom and was plesantly surprised to discover my klonopin pills had expired, and there were still several left. So grateful. 

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