Friday, July 13, 2012

The Five Love Languages of Children

I read this book with a few other moms. Here are some of the lines that stood out to me.

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Few parents realize that they have a responsibility to teach their children to handle anger in a mature manner.

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Nothing works well if a child's love needs are not met. Only the child who feels genuinely loved and cared for can do her best. You may truly love your child, but unless she feels it... she will not feel loved.

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Receiving love and learning to give love is the soil out of which all positive endeavors grow.

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When you use physical touch with these children, your message of love will come through loud and clear. A tender hug communicates love to any child, but it shouts love to these children. Conversely, if you use physical touch as an expression of anger or hostility, you will hurt these children very deeply. A slap in the face is detrimental to any child, but it is devestating to children whose primary love language is touch.

(Beck here: I really appreciate this concept as applied to all the love languages.)

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The volume of a parent's voice has great influence over a child's reaction to what the parents says. It takes practice to speak softly, but we can all learn how to do it.

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All children are guided by someone... Loving guidance always has a child's best interests in mind. Its purpose is not to make parents and other adults look good; its purpose is to help the child develop the qualities that will serve him well in the future.

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Because your children will learn more from talking with you than you will probably ever realize, it is crucial that you spend time in healthy conversation with them, no matter what their age.

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In fact, disciplining without love is like trying to run a machine without oil. It may appear to be working for a while, but will end in disaster.

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Young children are not subtle about asking for our love. They are noisy and often do things that seem inappropriate to an adult way of thinking.

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However, punish the child when he already feels genuinely guilty for his behavior, and you hinder his ability to develop a good conscience. In such a situation, punishment usually produces only anger and resentment.

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Parents are the first and most important teachers.

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Children are more emotional than cognitive; they remember feelings more readily than they do facts.

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One sign of anxiety in children is an inability to easily make eye contact. An extremely anxious child will have problems approaching others, adults as well as peers.

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Equally important, we parents must learn to handle our own anger as we respond to our children. Few adults have mastered appropriate ways to handle anger... Parents who have not learned to control their own anger are not likely to train their children how to do it.

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You will notice that passive-aggressive behavior is at the bottom of the ladder; it represents totally unmanaged anger.

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The wonderful thing about human relationships is that they are not static. The potential for making them better is always present.

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When children feel genuinely loved, their whole world looks brighter. Their inner spirit is more secure and they are far more likely to reach their potential for good in the world.

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