Sunday, June 10, 2012

Womenopause, and count to ten.

This morning at my CoDA group my turn to read fell on this paragraph from this book:

"I've learned this about myself and my recovery: When it's time for something to get my attention, I don't have to worry. The lesson won't go away. It will continue presenting itself until I deal with it. In a natural way, insights about ourselves will reveal themselves to us." (p. 161, Codependents' Guide To The Twelve Steps)
And then I paused to share, because my recurring issue of late has been anger. And I'm equally baffled and appalled at the sheer... I don't even know the words. I can become very, very angry sometimes at the drop of a hat. I logically know that it's WAAAAAY overreacting, but the feeling is so powerfully overwhelming. I've frequently had to remove myself from the situation and calm down so I don't keep on hurling hurtful words in a cutting tone I'll so deeply regret later. It's been a while since I've been so angry, so the fact that I've been feeling it recently is kind of both alarming and depressing.

I went to two meetings this morning (met with my sponsor between them) and each time I spoke about my anger and my feelings/experiences/thoughts around it.

I'm not sure if I've ever had more people approach me after group, thanking me for "my share" (as we call it) and wanting to either talk about how it had resonated with them and/or offer encouragement/ideas/suggestions.

One lady's feedback was particularly amusing. She suggested I might be perimenopausal because what I described sounded to her very much like it could be menopause-related. She was very polite and patted my arm and "just wanted to put it out there."

I grinned widely and sincerely thanked her for the suggestion all the while cracking the heck UP internally.

Because honestly! How hilarious is that! Do I really look that old?! I mean it's true the meetings are at 8 am and that's absolutely not my best time of day... combined with the somber note of many of the topics discussed... but still! Utterly hilarious. Especially since I'll turn 30 on Friday. Exactly what I needed to hear, as if I'm not already feeling old enough, what with all these wrinkles that have suddenly decided to stay. WRINKLES AND MENOPAUSE. MY THIRTIES ARE DOOOOOOOOOMED. =)

She totally made my day.

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