Thursday, March 1, 2012


I'm feeling very teenager-ish lately, attitude-wise. Stuff just isn't fair. I want to go out and do my thing but then after I've worn myself out with all the fun stuff I want someone else to step in and pay my bills and feed me. I'm grumbling that if other people aren't acting like grown ups, why should I have to. Whine whine whine.

My sponsor assures me that being a grown up (dealing with everyone and everything in a mature, balanced, reasonable way and taking care of my own dang self) really is worthwhile and even to be preferred but my teenager self remains skeptical. Go to bed before midnight? Seriously? But that's so BO-ring. My life will be over if I become one of those old people that look forward to going to bed at nine. I won't ever succumb! I will be invincible! I will do it ALL! Just you wait and-zzzzzzzzzzzzz.

And then my daughters wake up and are hungry (like, for food! that some adult (crap, that's ME) has to prepare for them!) at six in the morning (sometimes seven, if I'm lucky) and I mutter sternly to myself that toNIGHT I will BE sensible and reasonable and I WILL remember what it feels like to wake up with not enough sleep. And then of course by the time night comes I'm feeling all teenagery and promptly toss out such stupid, silly rules. Come ON. Go to bed NOW? What FOR! I made it through today, didn't I? I'll make it through tomorrow, too! No biggie. And so I stay up reading. Because that's what I did many nights of my actual teenage years. That and chatting on AOL IM. Boy, those were the days. Dabeckstr, anyone?

I'm going to be 30 in a few months. This flip-flopping pattern just can't go on! Not only is it making me crazy(er) it's a downright lousy example to be setting for my kids. Additionally, they'll both be in school this fall (Val in kindergarten and Elaine in preschool two mornings a week) and I'm actually going to have to take them there. Which, you'll notice, involves leaving the house in something other than what I wore to bed, hopefully. And, you know, making sure the kids are dressed, brushed and fed, too.

I hope I figure out this grown up thing before I'm dead. I really do hear lots of good things about it. Seems worth a shot.

1 comment:

  1. I wonder why adulthood is so different from what I anticipated. Actually, why is life so different from what I anticipated? My life isn't the continual stream of adventure and excitement that I planned on. It's like, we're finally adults, so we can call all the shots and make all our own decisions (an ability we eagerly waited for during our childhoods), and we're going to use that long awaited, coveted power to go to bed at 9!?!

    Maybe that's not so bad, though. Someone has to be responsible. The reason I was able to have such unrealistic fantasies of real life is my parents being mostly responsible shielded me from what adult responsibility really entailed. Movies and T.V. set my expectations, and they often made the free spirited man-child the hero. Of course, the adults who made all that nonsense did so to serve as an escape from real life. For a child who has no real life experience, all those stories came off as lessons, not fantasies. They didn't provide escape from reality; they set expectations for reality.

    All that being said, remember that Val and Elaine are growing up. Soon enough they'll be able to fix their own breakfast and dress themselves. As they grow up, they'll become more independent, and hopefully that will lighten your load, and you can better placate that inner-teenager of yours. I realize how absurd this all sounds coming from a single person with no children. If nothing else, you can at least enjoy my perspective for a good laugh.