Friday, February 3, 2012

Anybody want a peanut?

Done with The Princess Bride by William Goldman. Hadn't read it before and thoroughly enjoyed it.

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The beef-witted featherbrained rattleskulled clodpated dim-domed noodle-noggined sapheaded lunk-knobbed boys.

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All I can suggest to you is, if the parentheses bug you, don't read them.

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"...but I have loved you for several hours now, and every second, more .I thought an hour ago that I loved you more than any woman has ever loved a man, but a half hour after that I knew that what I felt before was nothing compared to what I felt then. But ten minutes after that, I understood that my previous love was a puddle compared to the high seas before a storm. Your eyes are like that, did you know? Well they are. How many minutes ago was I? Twenty? Had I brought my feelings up to then? It doesn't matter." - Buttercup

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(This was long after hairdressers; in truth, ever since there have been women, there have been hairdressers, Adam being the first, though the King James scholars do their very best to muddy this point.)

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"I understand completely what you are trying to do," the Sicilian said finally, "and I want it quite clear that I resent your behavior. You are trying to kidnap what I have rightfully stolen, and I think it quite ungentlemanly."

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"I always think everything is a trap until proven otherwise," the Prince answered. "Which is why I'm still alive."

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"Enough about my beauty," Buttercup said. "Everybody always talks about how beautiful I am. I've got a mind, Westley. Talk about that."

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"But I am afraid."

"It will all be happy at the end. Consider: a little over three years ago, you were a milkmaid and I was a farm boy. Now you are almost a queen and I rule uncontested on the water. Surely, such individuals were never intended to die in a Fire Swamp."

"How can you be sure?"

"Well, because we're together, hand in hand, in love."

"Oh yes," Buttercup said. "I keep forgetting that."

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Fezzik reached the top of the wall and started carefully climbing down the other side. "I understand everything," he said.

"You understand nothing, but it really doesn't matter, since what you mean is, you're glad to see me, just as I'm glad to see you because no more loneliness."

"That's what I mean," said Fezzik.

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Inigo looked at him. "You mean you'll forgive me completely for saving your life if I completely forgive you for saving mine?"

"You're my friend, my only one."

"Pathetic, that's what we are," Inigo said.

"Athletic."

"That's very good," Inigo said, so Fezzik knew they were fine again.

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"Don't pester him with so many questions," Fezzik said. "Take it easy; he's been dead."

"Right, right, sorry," Inigo said.

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"I suppose I was dying again, so I asked the Lord of Permanent Affection for the strength to live the day. Clearly, the answer came in the affirmative."

"I didn't know there was such a Fellow," Buttercup said.

"Neither did I, in truth, but if He didn't exist, I didn't much want to either."

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But I also have to say, for the umpty-umpth time, that life isn't fair. It's just fairer than death, that's all.

3 comments:

  1. One of my top ten favorite books! After the lines frim Buttercup when she's declaring how much she loves Westley, and Westley says, "If your love were a grain of sand, mine would be a universe of beaches"? That line is what inspired the title of the Iris Rainier Dart novel "Beaches" (on which the Bette Midler movie is based).

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  2. I love this book, too (as long as I'm commenting on how awesome your reading selections are). The parentheticals and comments from the poor editor never fail to make me laugh.

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  3. This book has been one of my Top Ten Favorite Novels since I first read it however many years ago, and it has affected my writing style, for both better and worse, ever since. (The biggest difference being that I can't get away with it as well as he did.)

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