Monday, September 20, 2010



That's the sound of this article hitting home in my stubborn, proud little heart.

Why does life have to be so hard? Oh yeah, because I bring it on myself.

My attitude has SUCKED lately. I'm whiney and resentful and have a list as long as my arm as to why I deserve to feel and be that way (#1 - I'm SICK!) but the truth is, it's making us all just that much more miserable and I need to just get over myself already and accept my current reality.

Make the best of it, bloom where I'm planted, make lemonade, whatever. All those things I never really practiced doing because I was too busy trying to control things so life WOULDN'T suck.


BSF is kicking my butt and we've only done the first chapter in Isaiah. Hooray. Oops, I mean, hoo-raaaaaaay! I get to die to myself even MORE! Just what I've always wanted. All sarcasm aside, it is what I've always wanted, I just thought/hoped/wished it could somehow happen in a way that I'd get to keep my favorite little parts of myself. You know, those comforting bad habits, those things you've always turned to escape and feel better. Those perfectly harmless little things that are so easy to justify and reason your way into keeping around...

Those things that keep me from any sort of real, deep, fulfilling relationship with my creator. Yeah. Those things. Crap.

It's scary doing new stuff, you know? Turning new corners for the first time, even if it's corners you WANT to be turning. I feel like an Israelite, stomping around in the desert (and being completely cared for) petulantly demanding to return to Egypt where life was "good" and at least I knew what/when I'd eat next. The minor (major!) detail being that Egypt = SLAVERY. Oh, but slavery is so comfortable and familiar when it's all you've ever known. Thank goodness for a God who loves me enough to drag me out of what I'd rather be doing.


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