Monday, December 14, 2009

Guinea pig

I love volunteering my kids to be used for science. I would volunteer myself too! I regularly participated in all kinds of studies while I was in college and I'm currently part of a long term study with Kaiser.


Elaine and I made the drive to a university about an hour away (much closer to our old house!) and she participated in a language study. I loved it. Elaine didn't care one way or the other, as long as there were fun new toys to play with. I now have a certificate of participation to put in her baby book if she HAD a baby book.


After that we stopped in at a baby store nearby and I tried on an Ergo again. I think I'm going to go with it. I've wondered if perhaps it's too bulky (but that's mostly why it's so great for long carries) and if I should go with a mei tai instead... but Ergo it is. I can always sew myself a mei tai if I really feel the need for one.


Superman thinks I'm a little crazy to be so into baby carriers and cloth diapers (he gets the cloth diaper thing, but only to a certain point) but I say he should consider himself lucky as I am *not* into expensive jewlery. At least this hobby is practical! Besides, I think he's a little crazy to be so into health/protein/powder/shake stuff. And that stuff is consumable! So we're even. Or, I'm ahead, because at least my stuff has re-sale value! =)


The thing with cloth diapers and baby carriers is you don't know what works best for you until you try several kinds. He's highly doubtful when I say that after this Ergo I won't need a single other baby carrier, but I'm pretty sure it's true. You don't know what you don't know until you do know, and now I do know all I need to know. =)


---


Foster care is still very much on my mind, but we're still waiting to proceed. There are things to work out. I sometimes just ache to meet that first child though, wondering what he/she will look like, what his/her personality will be, anxious to learn what his/her specific needs are, if it will BE a boy or girl, how our family will adapt, etc.. Kind of like I would feel if I were pregnant with a third child. The time for foster care is not right now, but I hope it will be sooner than later.


---


I am a sucker for journals. Anyone who knows me knows this. I made the unfortunate mistake of buying a ridiculously large (as in, many pages) journal for myself. I'm currently barely half-way through it and my entries begin in 2006. It's slow going.


So! I went out and bought four more! Smaller ones. I intend to use them for me, Superman and each of my girls. I hope to fill them with thoughts, prayers, hopes, struggles and dreams that specifically apply to each of them as I share in their lives. I envision giving them to my girls one day, as evidence of their uniqueness and how I tried over the years to cultivate who they are. It'll be a kind of timeline over which I can point to joys and sorrows, triumphs and defeats...


---


I really don't want to post this entry. I highly doubt it's interesting or compelling.


---


Oh yeah and since my sister said I need more pictures (I tend to agree) here you go. It fits in with all the talk about baby carriers.



Media_httpsuperbecksq_hmgbj


I had forgotten how absolutely essential this wrap was for us in those early weeks and months. Elaine had such a rough time (as did I!) and was always happiest when I was holding or wearing her. She's very tuned in to me - even still. I'm pretty sure that she could sense my stress and anxiety and reacted to that, although it never occurred to me at the time. Funny though, she got happier and more easy-going as I got help for depression and in turn became happier and more relaxed.


I feel that Elaine will be a complex, intense, discerning and highly sensitive little girl, woman and lady. Where Val takes after her daddy with her fun, easy-going, laid-back (but OH SO STUBBORN at times) and laughing personality, I'm afraid Elaine is ALL me. And I really do mean "afraid." How do I know how to parent her if I haven't even figured myself out yet?! Better get on that.

1 comment:

  1. I'm glad you posted, this post made me feel close to you!

    ReplyDelete