I took two naps today and I'm enjoying a nearly full-strength burst of energy. Astoundingly, the baby took two naps as well.
She has figured out how to climb out of her pack and play, much to the dismay of our childcare provider. Her actual crib rails aren't that much taller. I am quaking in my proverbial boots. No one prepared me for the CLIMBING!
Once it cools down a few more degrees (it's 93 at 8:30 pm) I am going to turn the oven on for an hour (crazy, I know) and make banana bread. I'm telling you, I have energy! Maybe it's because I can almost taste the freedom of being a stay at home mom, something I've wanted ever since I gave birth. I'm fortunate to be able to work part time for the past year but especially with this baby on the way there's nothing I want more than to stay at home and raise my kids myself. I'm also fortunate to be able to do that. *crosses fingers that it works*
Even though I know it's the right thing for me to do it certainly doesn't come without some conflicted feelings. I love my paycheck job. I can see myself staying long and going far with the company if I didn't have kids. It's been difficult to watch as people who were hired after me have surpassed me and even flown to headquarters to become trainers (something I know was available to me if I had returned full time.) I am not the woman who lived and dreamed of having babies and staying at home. That wasn't me growing up and it's taken time to adjust. I'm not going to lie and say it's easy. The decision was easy but going through with it is tough.
It is a sacrifice, yes, but it's well worth it. Well WELL worth it. I do not regret my decision in the slightest. Part of me feels like complaining, knowing the sheer amount of back-breaking, mind-numbing WORK it will be (and often unrecognized, unthanked) to be a stay at home mom but the rewards will be worth it. I'll be indelibly imprinted into the earliest memories my children have (hopefully in a good way!) My paycheck will come in the form of sloppy kisses in the morning, snuggles in the afternoon and bathtime at night. I'll also be paid in unspeakable messes (planned or not), blanket forts, potty-training and days that leave me wanting to scream while simultaneously pulling out my hair. But I'll be there for every minute of it and I hope I can remember to enjoy it as it goes, however it goes.
Because I hear it goes quickly.