Tuesday, May 6, 2008

How are you doing with Superman gone?

Superman being at the academy and me being here with our babyish toddler while working part time has got to be one of the most difficult things I've ever done mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I would say physically, too, but it's a different kind of physically. Certainly the toughest long-haul physical thing I've done. Giving birth to said child was the most difficult "short-term" thing I've ever done physically though no woman in labor would agree with her condition seeming "short-term."

People ask how I'm doing and I reply as honestly as I can but do they *really* want to know how many weeks it's been since my counter was clear of dirty dishes? Or would they rather hear about my scummy bathtub? Clouds of pet hair drifting about on the floors? Me falling into bed exhausted, sure I won't make it through yet ANOTHER night of the mighty-molars barging their way through Kem's tender gums?

In a lot of ways Superman's absence is wonderful. It's one less person to have to work around. Kem and I get into our little routines and then he visits on weekends. Most of the time he's not really 'here' because he has to study, though. He tries to get in some quality time with us. I'm so glad he didn't have to be gone for the entire six months; you military families have my utmost respect and support.

Some days are better than others. Seeing my counselor helps. A LOT. Last week he asked me how I felt about possibly going on some anti-depressants (not solely because of academy-related stress, though that certainly contributes; there's LOTS more going on that pretty much completely sucks away my desire to write here.)

And on that note, I have nothing else to say.

*wracks brain*

I suppose you don't want to hear about how the letters of the alphabet are arranged in my head, do you? I thought not. Thanks to Bethany Actually I am able to self-diagnose myself with number form synesthesia, which is somewhat exciting. I read about synesthesia in college and while I think it would be sort of cool to be able to taste words I'm sure it gets old really quickly. I'll keep my spatially-located numbers, letters and oh, days of the week too. And years. Wow, I hadn't realized how all these things relate until now. I've never really looked into it; just thought it was normal, I guess. Cool! I have a neurological condition! (Said the person who specialized in neuroscience (majored in biology.)) How exciting. I wish I had the time to design and conduct experiments on myself.

This whole post has pretty much wasted time before I have to address our finances. It's too much for Superman to handle while at the academy so I'm taking back that responsibility (I've managed it most of our marriage.) I gave it to him when I realized that it was way too much responsibility for a new mom to handle. Making sure the baby and I were fed and clean each day of the week was more than enough for me to think about. There was no way I was going to consistently remember to check up on bills and it was stressing me out.

So here I am again, stressing out. *sigh*

2 comments:

  1. lainey345@yahoo.comMay 6, 2008 at 8:36 PM

    I have my husband around and I've decided that a clean house is way overrated...so you have my admiration for managing all that you do. You're doing an awesome job!

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  2. Aww Becky, I am sorry that you are feeling that way. I empathize with you..Hang in there

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