Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Unresolved

Much like Tim, I prefer to present my thoughts after they have led to some sort of conclusion and/or revelation. That way I have all the answers instead of all the questions. Unfortunately, despite the vast sea of ever-available thoughts and emotions, I haven't had many satisfying conclusions recently. Perhaps some of you have been able to tell due to the lack of anything remotely interesting or thought-provoking on my blog and perhaps others of you concluded that this is what happens when you have kids - your brain (along with all semblance of logical thought) leaves.

You would be partly correct. Parenting brings up an endless supply of issues on which you will probably never be 100% resolved or concluded. Or you might conclude one thing, only to discover the very next day that the very same conclusion is absolutely wrong for the new situations a different day brings. Or you have everything figured out and then the second baby comes along and HA! now you're back to square one. So if you're someone who likes to have a plan, who likes to be in control, who is a perfectionist, who wants things to be predictable then perhaps parenting isn't for you. Ha! How funny! Because I am that person! And boy am I grouchy when there is not plan, I'm not in control, I can't do something perfectly and I can't predict the future. Which, ironically, is nearly impossible to do even without a kid so I don't know what my problem is. Just CHILL, Beck. I'm trying to.

*deep cleansing breath*

Argh. It's so painful to even consider recording all my unorganized thoughts.

I really wish I had the skills that some of you talented artists have. Several others of you do the freelance thing and because of these natural abilities you all get to earn money from home while doing something you love. How ideal! You're at home with your kid(s) and your creativity brings in some extra cash when you need it! I don't have anything like that. I go to work part time for this amazing company where I feel so many of my natural gifts and abilities fit in quite nicely. If I didn't have a baby and if I didn't want a bigger family I can easily see myself pouring time and energy into this job - I love it so much. It is my ideal job and right now is a great time to be a part of the company. I will very much hate to leave when the time comes.

But I do have a baby. And I love being a mother but I wish so much I could do both well. I'm trying to be content with where my life is right now but it's tough sometimes to take the stay at home mom route when I know I could excel in the workplace. Who knows if I'll excel at being a mom? It's the hardest thing I've ever done and it'll only get more difficult!

Waaah.


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1 comment:

  1. Awww, I wish I had the knowledge to say something smart....but I don't. You are so bright, your brain must hurt if you sit still for too long! I understand the work pull, I miss it a lot. And you know what? Being a mom is tough, but you have the Lord on your side and he wont let you down, you are amazing, Kate loves you! And working part time, well hey, it could be worse, it could be all day or shift work,right? And if you enjoy it too, well that is a bonus. Missing your babe must be hard----she is soooo cute! But it kinda sounds like you need that release. Maybe working part time helps make you a better mom. I had a friend like that, her family would watch her kids so she could work part time, and let me tell you, when she wasn't getting that work release, she was not fun to be around. Oh and thanks for the compliment, you are sweet.:)

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