I am so not cut out to be a mom, much less a stay-at-home one. I thought I was. Perhaps I still am, but I will qualify the role as ONLY being a mother to my child. If that was all I did I'd be just fine.
I like to think I'm an excellent multitasker. All those nights I carried on conversations via AIM while simultaneously writing a paper that was due the following morning, eating dinner and chatting with my cousin are nothing compared to my experience as a mother. I now completely (well perhaps not completely until I have three more children) understand the popular story of the father arriving home after a productive day at work to find a home in chaos and wondering what on earth it was the mother did all day. Well, she did it ALL. She did a LOT.
When I became pregnant I set out to be the most reasonable pregnant lady ever. And, for the most part I think I was, even above and beyond reasonable, especially considering this was the baby's room one month before she was born. No opportunity to indulge in final nesting urges there (which was just as well because I didn't have any.) I was only mildly nauseous, rarely took off work (indeed even worked OVERtime in the final stages of pregnancy), didn't exhibit any major mood swings (that I'm aware of - ha!), didn't want an epidural and so didn't get one, breastfed from the start, etc., etc.. All is fine and dandy until now. I am not capable of keeping on top of anything. I feel torn in at least 18,348 directions at the same time and I seriously think my brain will render itself useless if I don't change something soon.
I can be a breastfeeding mom. I can manage the finances and pay the bills. I can prepare healthy meals on a daily basis. I can work 20 hours a week. I can clean the house and stay on top of the related t0-do list. I can water the plants and arrange a lovely garden. I can feed, water, brush, bathe and walk two dogs and a cat. I can sort and wash the laundry. I can grocery shop. I can schedule appointments. I can attend a weekly Bible study and volunteer my time at church. I can make a lunch for Superman every day. I can file paperwork. I can read books to Kate and encourage her to crawl.
I just can't. Do. It. ALL. Something has to give, and this week it's been my sanity. How long will I have before Kate needs me again? I never know. I'll get halfway through one project and then stop to nurse and then a different task takes priority, leaving the first project unfinished, to be discovered by me later that week. I just jump from task to task, rarely finishing anything and never ever completing something from start to finish with no interruptions. Also, Kate does not nap for predictable lengths of time and never for two or more hours at a time. I have a hunch she is 'supposed' to be sleeping more during the day at this age.
I've been interrupted 7-9 times while writing this post alone; it's now not even the same day it was when I started! I don't handle this well. My brain is so fragmented.