"Did you buy this?"
"It was on sale."
"I hate Kraft mayonnaise. Listen to it. It squishes."
*He inserts a knife into the jar upon which I hear a normal mayo sound and continue to stare blankly at him.*
"You can't hear that!?! Yeah. That's disgusting. Actually, the best mayo I ever had was the Smart and Final brand."
Just when I think I'm beginning to know the man...