Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Under construction

I wrote a whiny email to my mother earlier today. I guess the whining never ends as I am now fully grown with a child of my own and still whining to my mommy about the unfairness of it all. I do it because I know she'll reply with an understanding word of encouragement or two or ten and I so desperately need the encouragement because, wow, being a mom is hard work. I completely believed it was hard work before becoming one myself but now I'm living it. Believing and living are two different things.

Here's the whine of the hour: my home is being torn apart. Yes! I asked for it to be so. I love customizing this house to our own dreams and needs. It is fun and adventurous and the sketching of ideas and demolition and building has been satisfying. That being said, I am going crazy. Out of my head. Insane.

Here's why.

Everything is NOT in it's place. Mostly everything does not even have a place. The bathroom does not have a sink, so you may wash your hands in the tub or the kitchen sink. Tooth-brushing and face-washing and all the accouterments thereof are also located at the kitchen sink. Along with the dirty dishes and breast pump parts.

The bathroom vanity drawers have been under the mattress-less crib for months.  Q-tips can be found in a box atop the washing machine, along with the un-sanitized thermometers because I can't find the rubbing alcohol under the crib!

Clothes are either clean and on the loveseat or dirty and on the mudroom floor in piles that the dogs/cat re-arrange and/or shed upon. I don't wear most of the clothes in my actual dresser drawers because they don't fit! It seems that I have settled at a reasonable, healthy weight, I suppose in order to breastfeed. My BMI is now within the normal range for my height and age which is great except that only, like, 3 outfits fit me comfortably. I need to sort and purge the clothes that are currently either under the bed or in the attic in unlabeled (because they were hurriedly thrown to accommodate demolition) black plastic garbage bags.

The sheets on the bed need to be changed but the dryer is full of diapers and there is no clean space (other than Mt. Washmore on the loveseat) to fold the diapers. Besides I don't know if I could find another clean set of sheets as my mudroom shelves are completely out of order.

Okay. Time to feed the baby but I need to pump some milk, too, for when I return to work. There's no easy place to balance the top-heavy pump because available, easy-to-reach and also functional electrical outlets are few and far between. The pump tips over onto the dirty floor when I set it down while holding the baby with the other arm. The dirty floor is cluttered with boxes. Boxes to take the the crisis pregnancy center. Boxes to take to the Goodwill. Bags that are from the attic, to be returned to the attic. Bags of papers. Boxes of photos. Bags of borrowed breast pump parts. Boxes of things to be returned to family members. Bags that are empty! Yes! Boxes of books.

Oh yes, what's for dinner? Take something out of the freezer to thaw but there isn't any counter space to thaw it on because there are dirty dishes on the counter because the dishwasher hasn't been emptied of the clean ones yet. But I don't have enough space to store the clean dishes because of the hole the dishwasher made in my cupboard space and I need to sort another giant bag up in the attic that I just threw all that stuff into.

The dogs and cat need to be brushed to cut down on the clusters of pet hair that are beginning to accumulate in the corners but I don't know where the brushes are.

And now I'm hungry and need to eat something healthy for Kate's sake but there's no counter space to make anything and the knives are all dirty so maybe I'll just have a cup of noodles. While I eat I'll sit at my desk amidst piles of un-attended to paperwork and look online to see if I can pay bills catch up on blogs.

I don't know how much longer I can take it. It feels like all I do is clean up messes - large messes - except that each time I need to invent a place for parts of the mess to live. And in a day or so a wall will be knocked down and I need to find a different place for things to live. And do it in a manner that allows safe and easy passage through the rooms of the house. Without forgetting where each important item is.

I will be so very happy when the interior re-arrangement is done with and work can resume on the exterior of the house. Because then, THEN, I will have a full closet in each bedroom AAAAAAAND a linen closet in the bathroom. If it were not for that glorious hope I absolutely would have torn every last strand of hair from my head by now.


  1. I am so behind on my blog reading. I wish I could reach through the screen and hug you too, then I wish I was rich so I could hire someone to help you. I would offer to help you myself but I suck at getting things done. And it wouuld take me forever to get there and the kids would freak.......So, (((big hugs))) instead.

  2. I wish I could come over and do your dishes for you. I love doing dishes. And I know how crazy you must feel or at least I think I do. I whine way worse than you and my house isn't under construction! I remember trying to pump and take care the baby and knocking over those stupid little bottles (full of gold, I mean milk) with the tubing because I was trying to reach somewhere to get something and oh! it was such a bother! I hated pumping. Hated cleaning all those little parts and looking at them cluttering up everything. I wonder if this sort of mindset is just part of the whole she-bang. It's like your brain is on super-high-alert-mother-mode or something and everything bothers you that normally you could roll with. yikes long comment and I still don't feel like I'm saying what I wanted to say. I just want to reach through the screen and hug you (or Kate depending on who likes hugs more).

  3. I'm sorry to hear about that Beck. I have an idea of what you're going through. We're in the middle of moving (just 1 1/2 weeks!). There are boxes everywhere and I can't find stuff. The good news is that this won't last forever. It will all be over soon. Things will be back to normal for you and your family :-)

  4. The good news is that the chaos is merely littering the road of progress. Your house won't be torn apart forever, and when it is finally done, it will be exponentially better than it was before. Which is to say at least you're suffering for a higher cause rather than just suffering with no goal or end in sight. Hang in there.

  5. Beck!I had a similar whining spree last night, what with Ben's stuff getting moved in to my place in preperation for our marriage and my roommate moving her stuff out - it's a mess. Your situation sounds much more chaotic though. I would go insane too. My coworker had some wise advice for me and all the drama and chaos going on now. She said that in 5-10 years none of this will matter. It sucks now, but it'll be over at some point and things will be ok. Good thing to remember!